Natasha McBride, CTACC

I'm Natasha.

After several years of silence, I'm finally able to speak up for myself and present some of the actual facts of my legal case.

This is my story.

In August 2020, I was involved in a fatal car accident. Four people in the other car died. There was no one besides me in my car.

Days after the accident while in the hospital I was charged with four counts of first-degree murder, four counts of reckless homicide, four counts of leaving the scene of an accident, and four counts of driving on revoked driver's license. I faced natural life without parole.

I was discharged from the hospital's psychiatric unit after twelve days and was transported directly to the county jail.

Once I arrived at the county jail, I was put in a suicide cell the size of a small closet. I wasn't allowed to wear a regular jumpsuit, just a green robe type thing without underwear. I was given no hygiene products, and no commissary for my "safety". The bright lights stayed on 24 hours. There was a camera above the toilet and no soap for the sink. I was only able to use the phone for 5 minutes once a day. I was allowed to have two books only, nothing else. I slept on a slab of concrete with a thick blanket that couldn't be used to harm myself. I had to ask to shower since there wasn't one in the cell; I was only taken to shower 3 times in 30 days.

At my request I was moved into general population after clearance from the psych provider.

In September 2020, one month after my arrest, and six days after I was moved to general population my sweet mother died by suicide. My whole life she would always rescue me during my downfalls but this time she knew she couldn't. She also expressed guilt and worry up until her death. The accident, me in jail, people's evil comments, and the sentence I was facing were too much for her to bear.

The death of my mom brought me more guilt and pain. I had attempted to take my own life minutes before the accident. This was something she also knew.

The court denied me attendance to her funeral. The judge stated that my mental capacity was in question. As if denying me the chance to say "goodbye" to my mother was going to improve my mental health. Not to mention at that time I had already been deemed fit to stand trial but apparently not fit enough to go to a funeral in shackles and handcuffs with guards next to me.

Then in December 2020 a good friend of 20 years died. I was unable to attend his funeral as well.

My bond was $5 million at 10% which was unattainable for me and my family.

It was extremely hard for me to heal and grieve everything without being with my loved ones. Instead, I was in jail looking at pictures of my mom in her casket, pictures of her headstone and a picture of my friend's grave site.

I was unable to express my thoughts and feelings to anyone. Anything I said could be twisted and used against me. So, I cried in the cell alone. I vented in a journal, ripped up the pages, and flushed the pieces down the metal toilet.

In February 2021 and again in January 2022 I was deemed legally insane at the time of the accident by two different psychiatric experts.

One expert on the defense's side (my side) from Springfield, IL.

The other expert on the prosecution's side from Chicago, IL.

This meant I was not legally responsible for all the charges that required the state to prove my state of mind. I could not decipher what was right and wrong that day. It was concluded that I was delusional, hallucinating, dissociating and in psychosis during the incident. I had no control over my mind or my body; my mental illnesses had taken over.

I was charged with leaving the scene; however, I did not run from the accident site to elude police as reported by the media. I didn't even know I was involved in an accident, and I had no clue that I was leaving a scene. According to reports I had the delusion that someone was after me. While hearing voices, I ran down the street half naked, with no bra, no pants, no shoes just a spaghetti strapped shirt (with a breast hanging out) and a pair of underwear on. This was in broad daylight, on the busiest street, at the busiest time, on the busiest day of the week. There were also videos that showed my other erratic behaviors, actions of a mentally unhealthy and irrational person.

After the state's psychiatrist expert agreed with my expert, both stating that I was legally insane, the prosecution charged me with DUI Resulting in Death, (for THC-cannabis, not alcohol). They did this because there was no evidence for the alleged violent crimes they charged me with. This new DUI count carried up to 26 years in prison with a mandatory 85% to be served.

In the state my case was in, in 2020, the alcohol legal limit was .08 blood alcohol content. The state's legal limit for THC was 10 nanograms in urine. I only, allegedly, had 1.2 nanograms of THC in my system. NOT EVEN CLOSE to the legal limit. The traces of THC were so low that the hospital's tests came up negative.

"Allegedly" My Patient Notes from the hospital that included these results were given to the prosecutors without a subpoena or my written consent. This action is not only unethical and unlawful but a violation of HIPAA laws. Also, the two experts that deemed me legally insane noted in their reports that the trace of THC would not have caused my actions that day. Despite what some people may say, I have never used illegal drugs, and I have not been impaired by alcohol since 2017.

In April 2022 the DUI charge was ultimately dismissed by the circuit court judge. The prosecution appealed her decision.

We won that appeal in December 2022. The Justices agreed with my attorney's motion and the circuit court's original decision. During the appeal process my appellate attorney stated that I had been overcharged and that she couldn't imagine how I felt. She personally called me the instant she received the decision of the appeal. I sobbed and thanked her repeatedly when she informed me that the state lost their appeal. The most gratifying part was that the appellate court documents show the Justices calling out the prosecutors for their misconduct.

It wasn't until August 2023, another eight months after the appellate court decision, and after three years of detainment, the violent charges against me were dismissed by the prosecution. I went from sixteen charges to two.

I ultimately pled guilty to two counts of driving while with a revoked license. The prosecution did not have to prove my "state of mind" for that charge. They only had to prove that I was driving and that my driver’s license was revoked at the time. My mental illnesses did not matter.

Each count held a punishment of one to three years in prison. I was sentenced to the maximum of three years on both counts to run consecutively. As a part of the plea the sentence was to be served at 50%, which meant I only had to do three years out of the six years. Since I had already been detained for over 1096 days while awaiting trial I was immediately released from prison upon arrival. I left as a parolee after a few hours of processing. I then completed 3 months of parole and was let off early.

The state allegedly lied to the victims' family stating that they thought I would do at least six more months in prison. Even though the prosecution knew I was a turnaround since I had already served my time. (A turnaround is when the convicted goes to prison to get a state ID number and then released on the same day).

At the sentencing hearing I was finally able to apologize to the family. This was the only time I was allowed to do so. I sobbed the entire time. Of course, some people said I was faking it, but when I didn't cry at some court appearances they said I didn't care. I just couldn't win.

Before my apology there was a victim impact statement that tore me to pieces and still haunts me every day. This person described each victim's personalities and how much pain (s)he endures from losing them.

Once the sentence was announced there were a lot of questions from the public about me not being sent to a mental hospital. First, being court ordered to a mental health facility is not meant to be a punishment, it's meant to treat the mentally ill in hopes of them being mentally stable enough to be a part of society. I was not ordered to be admitted to a psychiatric facility because I was no longer "insane". Unbeknownst to me, you can be legally insane for only for a few days if you receive medications. If you don't get treatment, you will most likely never come back to reality.

There were many dangerous mishaps with the health providers in jail: me taking wrong meds, me getting another patient's meds, me running out of meds, me having my meds changed or discontinued without being told etc. It took a year to get proper psychiatric medication but once I did the meds helped keep my symptoms at bay. Staying on track with psych meds is a life-or-death situation for most people who have severe mental health issues. I am one of those people.

I've always cooperated with my treatment plan and have never refused medications. I was mentally fit before I was taken to jail, and I was (and am) mentally fit after my release. For those reasons if I had been sent to a psychiatric hospital, I would have most likely been discharged quickly. Yes, there are some people who are never released; those people are deemed unfit for society even after long term treatment.

There is not one day that I don't wake up without emotional pain. I grieve for the family who lost four loved ones on the same day. I grieve the passings of my mom, my friend of 20yrs, and my cat who all died in the same year.

I also suffer from the trauma of being detained.

I came up with "prevent not punish" because a week before my accident I asked for help from a medical doctor and a therapist on two separate days. The doctor said, "You poor thing, you are shaking like a leaf," after I told him I couldn't feel anything besides a rock I was holding in my hand. The rock was the only thing that kept me from disassociating. He then gave me sleeping meds, quoted the "Serenity Prayer" and sent me on my way.

When I called my therapist, she said she was going on maternity leave and that she'd have someone from the office call me back to schedule an appointment with a different therapist. I never received a call back. I then reached out to my mom about my suicidal thoughts, and she thought I was lying.

I had been seeing psychiatric doctors and therapists for over 25 years and was never diagnosed with anything other than anxiety and panic disorder.

If somebody would've helped me, it might have prevented the events of that horrific day. This is not me placing the blame on them; this is me showing how I was failed by a system that was supposed to help me. I absolutely take full accountability for the actions my body made that terrible day. I'm just disappointed in the mental health treatment I received and didn't receive.

Regardless of what some uneducated people may think, I am not a monster. These same people have so much hatred in their hearts that they sent me death threats instead of trying to learn and understand what mental health is and means.

Many people including myself have to live with a tremendous amount of grief and trauma caused by my deteriorating mental state. This is why education and proper treatment for mental health matters so much.

​“People need to know that just because some­one has been con­vict­ed does not mean they are guilty,” Neal Dupree.

ABOUT ME: I’m a certified life coach, a registered medical assistant and a certified pharmacy technician. I also have an associate's degree in applied science healthcare administration.

I stay current on events and policies regarding mental healthcare and the prison system. I also research other areas of importance such as health insurance scamming, dismantling modern day slavery, and abolishing capital punishment. I enjoy reading, listening to music and traveling. My long-term goal is to fight for the rights of the mentally ill and the incarcerated.

I also take daily medications, go to therapy and attend grief groups regularly to keep myself mentally and emotionally stable.

Together you and I can make a difference in many lives whose rights have been violated.

Break the Stigmas... Mental Health Matters.

Prisoner's Rights Matter.

You Matter.

-Natasha BYTS (Because You The S

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